The ancient Greek philosophers believed that philautia was required in order to fully experience the other types of love (eros, agape, etcetera). In my case, philautia is required in order to live.

     Philautia is a Greek word for self-love with deeper meaning that entirely differs from the Western world’s “me first” brand of egotism. It is far more complex and valuable than just “self-care” and "self-acceptance." It is facing yourself in the mirror and completely loving what you see. It is love that opens you to love the world and the people around you. It is knowing yourself, knowing every part of you, and working towards a better future and being.

     "Philautia" was first created in 2023 while I came to terms with having multiple personalities. I had just begun seeking real relationships between the brain buddies (I refer to the parts as "brain buddies," never as "alters"). As time progressed and my related mental illness healed, I realized that navigating a dissociative disorder in a healthy manner requires a great amount of love for oneself. It takes patience, kindness, honesty, open-mindedness, empathy, and most of all a very strong will. There is no guidebook. There are no shortcuts. There aren't many people who understand.

The Parts:

Michael:

Mike wrote a large part of "Philautia." He is aware and understanding, and holds many experiences and memories in both the real world and Hiraeth.

personality: emotional, creative, deep-thinking

Roxie:

Roxie was a keeper of memory. She was very occupied with her inner-mind duties but cared very much for her brain buddies. Post-"Philautia," she is gone; and she is dearly missed.

personality: caring, rational, reserved

Vincent:

Vincent is a writer of stories rather than songs, but he worked the hardest on inner philautia. He is much wittier than the other brain buddies and knows how to outsmart the brain.

personality: energetic, task-oriented, sociable

Derek:

Derek is asleep. He has been asleep for a long time.

When he was awake, he was bursting with joy.

He will never wake back up.

     [Please note that not all people who experience plurality desire to integrate. It is a choice, and a difficult process; the brain knows no mode of operation other than being plural. There is no way of knowing what the end result will be.]

     While I am not and may never be certainly, completely, and permanently singular; I am no longer torn apart by inner opposing sides, wants, needs, and feelings.

     I am one, I am me;

     I am something I never thought I'd be.

     By late 2025, the album was growing into more than just a way to process things; it was becoming the process itself. "Philautia" had gotten the attention of each part and each experience, and was slowly bringing them all together. A mind lived in pieces started dreaming as one. Two halves of a heart split in two started beating in time. Hands that had moved out of sync united rhythms.